Tragic characters meets Hamlet

I bet all the tragic characters of William would like to raise questions why they have to suffer his sadistic imagination if they had the chance to see them. How about a mass murder of Shakespeare in the end of the conversation?

Hamlet Meets Macbeth: A Happy Ending by Giriraj Kiradoo
This short play was written because I couldn't find a decent script anywhere- in my humble library, in libraries around and on the world wide web which seems to have everything only till the moment you need something really good. So I had to write. Its scheduled to be staged on 23rd of January during the Foundation Day celebrations. No permissions are required to stage it anywhere, anytime. Its copy-left material.
Characters

Hamlet
Macbeth
William Shakespeare
Christopher Marlowe


Scene: A Theatre Festival
Time: Evening

(Hamlet is all lost and wandering around when Macbeth enters the scene)



Hamlet: Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia, my love where art thou?

Macbeth: Art thou a man? Your father’s killed; your mom has become your auntie,
and you idiot.. Ophelia, Ophelia….

Hamlet: Who art thou? Thou hast no idea: greater the confusion greater the love. Ophelia, Oh Ophelia…….I am trapped by a great love, you moor.

Macbeth: Don’t be racist, and anyways, it could be Othello – the new bloke - he could be a Moor , not I….I am Macbeth the Great Soldier.

Hamlet: The Great Murderer!

Macbeth: Hold your tongue or lose it.

Hamlet: Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia……….

Macbeth: Who is this girl?

Hamlet: I don’t know.

Macbeth: Then why do you keep calling her. Ophelia, Ophelia…….?

Hamlet: Coz Will has asked me to.

Macbeth: Who is Will?

Hamlet: Will is nobody. He is a drunk. He is a poet. He is a copycat.

Macbeth: Got it, you mean Will Shakespeare.
Hamlet: Yes, my lord.

Macbeth: I am also looking for that lunatic. I am a bit confused myself; just on the
highway I met 3 witches. They said I’ll be a king. Will wants me to be a king, why?

Hamlet: So that you can give him a noble prize; you know he hasn’t got a single prize.

Macbeth: How do I become a king?

Hamlet: Ask thy wife. She is a kingmaker.

Macbeth: Idiot I call her kingfisher not kingmaker.

Hamlet: To murder or not to murder; that is the question.

Macbeth: Why Will makes all of us murderers?

Hamlet: We kill, to make him great. We sin, to make him great. We cry, to make him great. We suffer, to make him great.

Macbeth: Sadist! Damn sadist! If kill, we should, why not him? If suffer, we should, why shouldn’t he?

(Enters William Shakespeare)

Will: Freeze.

(Both Macbeth and Hamlet freeze)

Will: Well, told you, all the world is a stage. And thou art my characters, dears. Characters never understand me. They don’t know how damn difficult a job it’s to create such weird people like Macky and Hammy.

(Enters Kit Marlowe)

Kit: Very difficult indeed, specially when they are not yours. You have to stop it now; Will, you have to. Dr. Moth, our common Psychiatrist-cum-astrologer has warned I’ll die soon, in a brawl, in a tavern. I also need to be great. I also need to be immortal.

Will: You are, already. Great, and immortal, Kit. Go and drink to your fill. Death is tomorrow and drink is today. Murder is everyday. Kit, before you go and get drunk, did Dr. Moth tell you the name of the man who’d kill you? I see a plot coming up!

Kit: Jove! I wish I knew. I could write a tragedy on my own murder. The Strange and Unforgettably Lamentable Tragedy of Kit Marlowe! By the way, ‘your’ characters are freezing, Will. Good bye and may Aphrodite give thee some pains and brains. Catchy line though: murder is everyday.

Will: Go and die poetically. And you – off springs of someone else’s imagination, come back to life, thy foster father calleth you. We have shows tomorrow.

Hamlet: Ophelia, Ophelia……….

Macbeth: Oh ghostly dagger! Where art thou? I’ll murder the King and become a king myself. I know I’ll suffer, I know I’ll make Will great.

Will: Calm, my hero, calm. I’ll take the shame off you. I’m writing a murderer even bigger than you…..he’ll kill his wife……Othello!

Macbeth: Will, it’s a million penny question: why do you make all of us murderers?

Hamlet: I also have some questions: She loves me or she loves me not. Why did my uncle Claudius kill my papa? Should I kill him or kill him not ? Should I kill myself or kill me not? Have I got something to do with Oedipus? To be mad or not to be?

Will: Coz it clicks, tragedy clicks. I wrote comedies I earned money. I created you, it fetched me greatness.

M/H: What if we kill you? Will it make us great?
(A dagger appears in Macbeth’s hands)

Will: Save me, Kit and all those who inspired me to write such grave tragedies….Sophocles save me……..

(Enters Kit Marlowe)

Kit: You were damn right. Death is tomorrow. Murder is everyday. I killed somebody at a tavern. Let’s celebrate life. Hamlet and Macbeth, shall I call them Macky and Hammy, brethren, come here, lets celebrate. Coming back here, I saw face of Helen of Troy flashing in sky: Is this the face that launched a thousand ships?

Will: Wonderful, repeat the line…..Is this the face…….thanks Kit.

(All four sit down and celebrate)

All Four: For life…..for drama that makes murderers lovable.

Will: All thy world is a court, it punishes, our theatre is a tavern, it punishes not. Kill or be killed. Write or be written. Inspire or get inspired (Kit: It means Copy or get Copied).

All Four: That is the question.

From http://freespeech-mits-fet.blogspot.com/2008/01/hamlet-meets-macbeth-happy-ending-by.html

Crazy Hamlet Show!

This is a funny version of Hamlet- I love the King's dress, especially his Peter Pan green tights. They all wear snikers to move fast, as the pace of this play is supposed to be fast. Therefore, so many parts of the famous siloloquies were cut, only the most important parts were selected. I especially love Ophelia running out to the stage saying, " I'm mad in my tinny litte mind!!" It is a fun production, a good parody of Hamlet!

The Ever-famous Hamlet

Shakespearean literature has long been a requirement to english education all over the country, and not to mention, overseas. Back in my country, South Korea, it is almost a tradition to play Romeo and Juliet for high school performance( altough I haven't had the chance as I did not take part of Korean high school) It is amazing how Shakespeare's playrights translate to any kind of language, and I wonder if the process would change the orginal unique poetic style he displayed the audience. Not only that, his playrights seem to be included in most every part of my acadamic years, including middle and high school. Sadly, I always dreaded reading and interpreting his unusual style of english, therefore had hard feelings towards the poor old writer. This feeling of dread and stress probably contributes to my skill of english. Although I speak fluently, I always had trouble with vocabularies and writing itself. But I guess five years of living with english around me improved the skills I've lacked, and to my suprise, I found I have become more interpretive of his language. It doesn't mean that I fully understand every speech, but it is clear that there is something different to him, the way he adds character with almost poetic flair.